In Defense of Swiss Cheese

Michael made a bold proclamation within the BS chat and then he decided to take his hot take global with his post over the weekend. First off, I hope you all enjoyed Michael’s biannual post on Boiled Sports. Second, he’s definitely got a right to love smoked Gouda on a burger. I won’t deny that it’s tempting and I wouldn’t turn it down. However, we’re not all the one percenters who have smoked Gouda lying around our chef’s kitchen. I’m sure in the Henry household, it’s right there next to the Viking cooktop.

So let’s talk about one of the cheeseburger options that’s a little more easily attainable and perhaps somewhat overlooked: Swiss.

I’ll get this out of the way up front – I love Swiss cheese and I understand not everybody does. I don’t understand why not everybody does…maybe some of you children just have palates like my ten year old. But Swiss cheese is versatile, the Swiss army knife of cheese, if you will. Is it great on a deli sandwich? Hell yes. When making one at home, can you make your sammich a melt just by putting the Swiss on your bread of choice and warming it I the toaster oven? You sure as sh-t can. Did you know that Swiss cheese contains a fraction of the sodium of other common cheeses? So if you’re a middle-aged dad trying his best to keep that ticker going another 100,000 miles, it’s the doctor-approved choice. Did you also know you can get block Swiss just like block cheddar? You can. And sliced block Swiss on a triscuit will blow your mind. But this post is about cheeseburgers, so let me get back on track.

The cultured among you will know it as an Alpine Burger. Seasoned, somewhat thick-cut bacon, lying atop a patty wrapped in melty Swiss cheese. The Swiss is not so gooey as to make a mess or completely drip off the burger and into your grill if you leave it a moment too long. No, the Swiss hangs on, understanding you, awaiting you, like a reliable timepiece – also, likely, built by the Swiss.

I’m not a mushroom person, per se, but if you are and you want to complete this masterpiece, feel free to sauté up some shrooms and then drop a couple on the top. Others will look over from their plain, commonplace burgers and see you for what you are – a connoisseur, a master of good taste, a nobleman even at a backyard cookout.

The alpine Swiss burger. For the man (or woman) of discerning taste and class.