Who doesn't wanna look like this douche?? Sadly, BJ and Jordan just missed the end of the sale!

So, BJ Knauf and Jordan Woods are up on FELONY theft charges for allegedly trying to steal a bunch of sweet crap from Kohl's.

A couple things are noteworthy in this story- First, it was at Kohl's. I'll admit, I shop there when I'm looking for belts, boxers and solid color t-shirts...and nothing is ever full-price there. I can tell you that if this is found out to be a misunderstanding or mistaken identity, these two guys have already lost so many cool points with their friends and teammates that the damage might be more irreparable than jail time. I'm 38 years old...live in the suburbs, have two kids and am bald...and I try to make sure no one sees me going in there.

Perhaps they were like Arian Foster and were just hungry after practice. Kohl's has an excellent assortment of chocolate syrups for coffee and seasonal gift snacks in tins. Now, if they were trying to sneak $250 worth of those tins in their light fall jackets, our boys probably weren't the brightest bulbs in the drawer...and were going to have a tough time with finals this year anyway.  But hey, not everyone is meant to be a student.

I kid only because this is really, really dumb.

Knauf almost helped the Boilers steal a victory over the Irish a few weeks ago...

I'm almost sure that this isn't a case of mistaken identity...and you don't accidentally leave a KitchenAid mixer in your cart and walk out with it as your buying your cordavan belt and Lee Brand Drew Brees jeans (they have a U-shaped crotch!!).

My best guess is headphones; they do have some decent Monster brand headphones...they cost around $300.  And if you really really need headphones for road trips, and you don't have a few hundred dollars lying around, what are you supposed to do??? I mean, When I was working as a shoe designer I used to foolishly wear $20 Sony headphones on transcontinental flights...but I had ZERO street cred and it got me no where.

I hope Woods and Knauf are actually just being mistaken for another pair of guys; one built like a fire hydrant and the other lean and 6'2".

Isn't it great that a program could bring two guys, two buddies, together; one from Ypsilani, MI, the other from Lakeland, FL...to do fun and zany stuff like felony theft!

Wheeeeee!

I have no idea how there's a scenario in which these guys don't deserve to get booted from the team...but I do trust our imperfect, but best-there-is justice system. The problem is, if there's ANY evidence that this is true, they should be on the way home tonight. Coach Hazell has a chance to make a statement to his team about the discipline that we've only heard about at this point. Since Purdue is 1-4, now might be a good time to come down hard on people that deserve quick justice. Coach Haze doesn't have the record to pull and Urban Meyer and just slap players on the wrist for lawless behavior...and even if he did have a successful team at Purdue, I'd hope it wouldn't be an option to keep felons on without major repercussions.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I really don't care. I believe God will forgive them and hopefully Kohl's will too after they've served their time and paid whatever fines that they owe. I also believe that they deserve a second chance if they're guilty...but I don't think it should be at Purdue.

ADDENDUM:

I am glad that these guys weren't caught hitting a girl, drunk driving or punching a cop. But I still think it's dumb, bad and kind a tough to rationalize. I'll await the story in the coming days like everyone else, I guess.

ADDENDUM #2:

So, the story is this: they were getting tie bars- those metal clips you put midway down your button-down shirt to make sure you look awesome when you're going out to pick up your best girl...or attending a post-game press conference.  Also I'm told by smart law-talking people, that a felony in Indiana can be petty theft.  Soooooo...it's still really dumb, but it's not as big of a deal as trying to steal a few hundred dollars worth of whatever-the-hell you might wanna steal from Kohl's.

Kohl's still sucks...and this whole situation is still dumb and even more embarrassing than having your favorite team's ass kicked around the field each Saturday. Now, you can't even use the good guy defense- "yeah, they stink...but they're really good guys off of the field." or "Sure, they're not a great football team, but they're really smart guys."

I do actually see this as not as big of a deal as I did a few hours ago...but I still hope that Knauf is handed a significant suspension...even if the tie bars story is true.